AWAKEN: DAY 2

Remember, you are dust and to dust you will return.

SCRIPTURE READING - DAY 2

Psalm 143:8

Cause me to hear your loving-kindness in
the morning, for on you do I lean and in you
do I trust.

Cause me to know the way wherein
I should walk, for I lift up my inner self
to you. (AMP)


MEDITATION by Colleen Brown


When I was young, I knew I was going to be a missionary when I grew up—serving "over there" across the ocean to reach people for Christ. I desired to do the most spiritual and sacrificial thing I could do for the Lord, and so I made plans according to this one sure calling on my life.

And then...the doors started closing. The years were passing by, and my husband and I weren’t getting “there.” We were “here” and in my mind, that meant something was wrong. A deep-rooted view of my identity was struggling and straining and dying. I was scared that I had missed something along the way. My dream—what I understood to be my core calling—was not panning out the way I thought it would, and it shook my whole perception of who I was. My heart was burdened for the world. I wanted to go, but why wasn’t it happening? What was I worth in the Kingdom if I didn’t go?

And then…I entered into the role of being a mommy. Although I always expected motherhood to be a part of my life, I didn't expect not to feel good at it. I just didn’t thrive in this role the way it seemed that other moms around me did. Feeling like a fish on a bicycle in this all important role was very disheartening. Don’t misunderstand me—I fiercely love my kids with an immeasurable love. But I was yearning to do something more that fed my soul and felt guilty that raising my kids didn’t completely do that.

So there I was, not on the mission field, and not nominating myself for any “Mother of the Year” awards. My inner self was experiencing a severe storm because my life was not looking the way I thought it would.

And then…during my first season of observing Lent, a slow but sure awakening of the heart began. As I invited Jesus to remove strongholds in my life, I was able to see my own inner tornado. Seeing his face, I had to focus on the love in his eyes and tune out the noise and swirling debris raging around me in order to survive. In the quiet of his eyes was pure love. It was as if he wanted to show me how valuable I was to him.

Realizing his desire for my intimacy with him was palpable. The sense of his love was overwhelming. Scandalous, really. I had been a believer for years and I had never realized how “vast beyond all measure” his love for me truly was, regardless of what I was…and what I was not.

As the debris settled and the noise faded away, I anchored myself into his loving–kindness toward me. I could hear the invitation to trust him with the desires he had put into my heart, and my soul found relief and abundant satisfaction.


REFLECTION


What desire or dream has not been fulfilled in your life the way you thought it would be?


What titles or roles do you have from which you derive an unhealthy amount of identity and esteem? Confess those to God.


In what ways has God worked in your life and heart that you can see his hand on, though they didn’t look like your Plan A? Praise him for that.